Looking Back, Looking Forward

Hey, wonderful human 😉

If you’ve been with me long enough, you’ll know that when I started The Herstorian, I was in the middle of writing a book. But not long after I got going, the book got shelved. (Pun fully intended).

I didn’t really want to shelve her but there were some extenuating circumstances, as you’ll see in a minute, not to mention a shitload of client work. Nevertheless, I used to feel regular pangs of guilt about my poor book. I imagined her sitting there on my laptop, desperately calling out for some love and affection. “PLEASE, SOMEONE, ANYONE, WRITE SOMETHING IN ME.”

I would say things to myself like, “Next week, I’ll definitely finish that chapter.” Sometimes, I’d write in massive letters on a post-it note, ‘DO SOME BOOK STUFF.’ I’d do this last thing on a Friday and have the *best* of intentions for Monday morning. To solidify those intentions, I’d stick that note somewhere really obvious, like on the window above my desk.

And then Monday would come around and I’d scrunch up that note and put it in the (recycling) bin.

That book was supposed to be the culmination of all the weird and wonderful shit that I’d learned about the industrial period. Sick and tired of all the top-down narrative, I wanted to do something that flipped all of that on its head. I wanted a people-first history that smashed some myths and exposed the realities of the contemporary hustle. And hustle it was, dear reader. Of that I was certain.

What I also wanted was to have a book that put the experiences of men and women on the same page. More than that, I wanted to see equal weighting, as opposed to “here are all the men, and here is your one miserable woman in a factory/down a coal mine, along with her 12 sad-looking children.” Because I was absolutely 100% sick-to-the-back-teeth of that consolation-prize history. And ye know what they say: if the book you want to read doesn’t exist, get the F on and write it.

So, that was the plan.

And that plan eventually hit 22,000 words.

But when I recently picked the book back up, it was like pulling teeth.

Why?

The problem is that (most of that) doesn’t vibe with me anymore.

Because – drum roll - it’s not actually right.

And my god(dess), does it feel good to finally know that and to own all my wrongness.

Now, hear me out because I’m not being a dick to Past Kaye for no reason. She had the very best of intentions and she was sort of on the right track. But what she didn’t know (and what Present Kaye knows) is that her track started at the wrong station 🚆

Because she started at the wrong station 🚆 she would *never* get to the right destination. If you have any experience of hardcore writing procrastination or even writer’s block, you’ll know that the issue is rarely caused by laziness but by not being clear in your thinking. You can’t articulate something to someone else if it doesn’t first make sense in your head. That was precisely what was happening to me.

Since I set up The Herstorian in 2020, everything (yes, everything) I thought I knew about the past has been challenged in one way or another. Nearly every ‘truth’ I clung to has come crashing down around me (which I’m 100% grateful for, btw, and which would probably make a half-decent book in itself).

Anyway, I explain this in-depth in the *new* book’s introduction (which I’ve just finished putting together 🥳 but let me summarise it for you here:

• As a collective, we are nowhere near ready to stop focusing solely on women. There will come a time for what I term ‘integrated histories,’ but that time ain’t now.

• We (here in the UK, at least) are taught that women had a universally shit time in the late 18^th and 19^th centuries. Time and time again, it’s misery, oppression, limitation, powerlessness and ‘men-are-bastards’ thinking. Not only does this *not* reflect historical reality, but it keeps women (and men) in a state of victimhood in the 21^st century. (We’ve talked about inherited trauma before. You know we’re all carrying this). So, it’s time to turn all of this on its head, direct it towards the sea 🌊 and then replace it with something that *does* reflect historical reality.

• When we talk about “women,” let’s be precise. What I’m now realising is that ‘integrated histories’ has to start with putting different types of women on the same page. That’s my goal, moving forward.

So, that’s it in a nutshell.*

Seriously, though. If I could go back to 2020, I’d give Past Kaye the biggest hug and say, “Babe, stop feeling guilty about that book because you have no idea what’s coming.” Then I’d laugh all mysteriously and just disappear.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to sharing some book stuff with you over the coming months. I hope you’ll come along for the ride 🚆


Until next time,

Kaye x


*I promise that the actual book introduction is not a sweary mess like this post …. Sort of 😜