Hello and happy Thursday to you,
This week, I want to bring the connection between the past and the present firmly into focus. I also want to rant a bit, and I’m sure you won’t mind indulging me 😁
Last year, I ended a long marriage and so now I find myself navigating the world of singledom. It’s a world that feels very new. However, I find that so many of the same (shit) themes are still here. The one I want to talk to you about today is that age-old favourite, purity culture.
The Herstorical Roots of Marriage
In the modern world, we romanticise marriage, which I’m totally here for, btw. I loved all the fuss and the frills. But we need to remember that, historically, marriage was not about bringing two people together in a romantic union.
Most likely, marriage was the first institution of patriarchy. As you already know, the history of patriarchy is very tricky. We know relatively little about how it started and developed. (And consider how difficult it is to measure and track this system in prehistory). Angela Saini’s most recent book is proof of that.
If we follow Gerda Lerner’s line of reasoning (which I 100% do), marriage started as a way of ensuring that property and other resources stayed together and could be inherited by members of the same family. But – and here’s the big ‘problem’ – a woman could theoretically have sex with every man in her community, but only one could make her pregnant. So, how in the name of Adam and Eve could a man be sure that his heir was truly – biologically – his heir?
The answer, dear reader, was that he had to find a way to control female sexuality. To put limits on women and their pesky wombs.
Say hello to marriage 👋
But – and here’s the next ‘problem’ – marriage was only a symbol of commitment. There needed to be something else to stop her from sexually straying.
Step forward purity culture 👋
You know what it looks like. A sexual woman is a slag or a slut, but he’s a stud. He can sow those oats but she’s trash. A good-for-nothing. Don’t marry her. She’ll only cheat on you, anyway.
What’s In A Name?
It’s funny … looking back, this was my entrance into women’s history. I hope you’ll indulge me while I dig up my own past again. It was Curley’s Wife, that ol’ temptress from Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men, that did it for me. I was only 15 at the time and we were reading it for GCSE English Lit. I just couldn’t fathom it. The earth stopped spinning for a moment. Why didn’t she have a name? Everyone else in the book had a name.
And that was it, dear reader.
Here I am, 22 years later. Still answering that question. Every time I look in a different space and time, I get a new piece of the Curley’s Wife jigsaw puzzle. It’s the most glorious quest I could ever imagine. It’s 50% love and 50% froth-inducing rage. And in my post-marriage world, as I learn how to decentre men (yes, it’s my new hobby 😄), it’s funny - serendipitous even - how I am daily reminded of Curley’s Wife and what brought me to this work in the first place.
But, all seriousness aside, you know what’s hilarious about purity culture, dear reader?
Think about the one body part that was designed purely to give pleasure.
It’s a clitoris.
That lives on a (biologically) female body.
Not a male body.
Just let that sink in for a minute.
So, why oh why, are we still wearing the idea that women either have no sexual interest or that women don’t enjoy sex? (Of course, I’m speaking very generally here. Everyone is different, and I respect that).
Let me leave with you a fun fact, though: the clitoris was only ‘discovered’ in 1559.
I’ll let you make the jokes with that one 😊
Until next time,
Kaye
If you want to take it further (no pun intended 🤣):
I suggest patriarchy began forming much earlier. Females could pump out little replicas of themselves; surely ownership of that ability and it’s tangible resource led to the first steps of control and ownership.
Remember, DNA tests are a recent phenomena. How else would the patriarchy ensure the legitimacy of its line? It had to create an entire purity infrastructure around women to ensure its survival.